DH: Welcome to Wellsprings, Mr. V. We are a non-violent community here. You look pretty scary. I hope you won’t do anything…unpleasant.MrV: Oh, no, don’t be afraid! I am a vegetarian vampire! I don’t drink human blood. I get blood from ...TURNIPS …TOMATOES … TOMATILLOS …
DH: That’s a relief. A lot of us are vegetarians too. And we have an organic garden. Perhaps you could volunteer to help us with that?
MrV: Sure. You know, in fact, I don’t sleep in a coffin—I sleep in a greenhouse.
DH: Wow, that’s awesome. How else are you different from those other vampires?
MrV: Well, you know sometimes people try kill my vampire cousins with a silver bullet or something, but that doesn’t work on our branch of the family. Please don’t tell anyone, but the surest way to kill a vegetarian vampire is to drive…a t-bone steak, right through the heart! Just kidding. But if you force us to EAT a steak, we keel over dead in minutes.
DH: I’ll be sure to keep that a secret, Mr. V., though veggie vampires aren’t the only folks to be hurt by too much red meat… Anyway, is there any other thought you’d like to leave us with today?MrV: Everyone knows the saying, “don’t judge a book by its cover.” And please don’t judge a vampire by his fangs.
###
